My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
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Web ID: 15843399Am I a victim?
‘For the women whose stories have not yet been heard, believed, or understood.’ Vanessa Wye (now 32) was 15 and a student at Browick Boarding School when her English teacher, Jacob Strane (now 59) began grooming her when he was 42. He used all the key words ‘He never felt this way about a student before.’ This is a compelling story that really shows what consent and coercion is. And also gives small insights to the mindset of the abuser. Really good for a teenager girl to read as she is in her most vulnerable age as a teen.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Immersive Experience
Strane says of Lolita: “…it’s the type of novel that asks that you relinquish control. You have to experience it rather than try to understand it.” I would say the same about My Dark Vanessa. It’s difficult to put into words, to fully comprehend—but the emotions it evokes are undeniable: fury, sorrow, guilt, revulsion, and a hollow kind of grief. Vanessa’s perspective is immersive, like slipping behind her eyes and seeing the world through a warped lens—one that blurs the line between love and manipulation until they are indistinguishable. “to be groomed is to be loved and handled like a precious, delicate thing”. Throughout the novel, Vanessa references Fiona Apple. One moment that struck me in particular was when she watched Apple’s Criminal music video after learning of her abusers death following multiple abuse accusations made against him. The lyrics take on a chilling weight in this context: “I’ve done wrong and I want to suffer for my sins I’ve come to you ‘cause I need guidance to be true And I just don’t know where I can begin…” “Let me know the way Before there’s hell to pay Give me room to lay the law and let me go I’ve got to make a play To make my lover stay So what would an angel say the devil wants to know…” “What I need is a good defense ‘Cause I’m feeling like a criminal And I need to be redeemed To the one I’ve sinned against Because he’s all I ever knew of love…” It’s a moment of contradiction—relief intertwined with heartbreak. Vanessa grieves him, but what exactly is she mourning? The man she loved, the illusion of that love, or worse—the version of herself she became to be worthy of his attention? Not him, not love, but the fragile, fleeting feeling of being seen as special. Again and again, she makes excuses for her abuser, justifies his actions, and vilifies herself. And isn’t that the devastating reality for so many survivors? The way we learn to shift the blame inward, to rewrite the narrative until we become the villain in our own story. I spent the majority of this book begging Vanessa to come forward—something I, myself, have not done. I remember being pushed to speak up, to name him. I didn’t want to. I still don’t. And they still push. A secret that demands to be shouted from the rooftops, begging to be released, aching for relief… but fear and self-preservation press down harder, silencing the urge to speak. This book doesn’t just explore what it means to be a survivor; it delves into survivor’s guilt. A reminder that choosing not to take legal action doesn’t make you any less brave than those who do. Because guess what? You still survived. But that kind of guilt, what if it happens to someone else? It lingers like a shadow, pressing in, whispering accusations. No matter how many times you remind yourself: I am not responsible for the actions of others. When you survive something like that, there is no right or wrong way to handle it. There is only surviving. And then surviving the survival. My Dark Vanessa captures what it is to be a survivor of abuse. It is not an easy read, nor should it be. It forces you to sit with discomfort, to wrestle with the ways trauma distorts perception, and to witness the insidious nature of grooming and abuse. Like Lolita, it’s not a book you simply understand—it’s one you experience.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Brilliant and cruel book!
It took me two months to get through the first 100 pages but once I did I couldn’t stop. This book is triggering but I felt like it was one of the best books I’ve ever read. Vanessa is one of the most complex character I’ve ever read and I love her.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
4.75 stars
MY DARK VANESSA by Kate Elizabeth Russell Incredibly disturbing yet riveting and compelling. I felt equally disgusted and intrigued as the story unfolded. This explores the ongoing psychological impact and trauma left on Vanessa Wye who, at fifteen, was seduced by her forty-two year old English teacher, Jacob Strane. While, this is a work of fiction, Vanessa’s grooming, manipulation and abuse by Jacob is/was/can be a painful reality for many people. The author captures the complexity of Vanessa and Jacob’s “relationship”, the subtlety of Jacob’s manipulation, then Vanessa’s denial, self hatred and cognitive dissonance so realistically. Even though I was left feeling quite unsettled, I do recommend this book because it’s an important story/lesson to tell. Just be mindful of your mental/emotional state; heed the many trigger warnings before proceeding. **Note: Grace Gummer’s audio narration/performance was so well done. Also, enjoyed the author interview at the end. Rating: 4.75/5 ⭐️
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Triggerssssss
Definitely difficult to write about this book without stating spoilers but but but...With lots of trigger warnings, this book was a definite difficult read. It makes you go through lots of emotions and the sides you never want to explore are triggered. Revolving around the current state of the protagonist and the past. Revisiting her emotions with her was a journey that pulls strings inside your mind and your heart.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
heartbreaking
absolutely loved this book from start to finish it was soo heartbreaking i finished it quickly. it’s also well written and rly makes u think and twist ur mind in the best way. it’s extremely hard to read and graphic to where i had to put it down sometimes but it’s worth the read. just a one time read though bc of how devastating
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Dark, Disturbing, and Necessary
Through the evocative narrative of My Dark Vanessa, Kate Elizabeth Russell immerses us in an alarming tale that demands our attention. The story delves into predators' intricate methods and the pervasive damage they inflict, often amplified by our collective refusal to acknowledge the painful truths beneath. What stands out most in this novel is the powerful juxtaposition of Jacob, a respected and beloved teacher among faculty, students, and parents, and the monster he becomes to the few vulnerable individuals he sees as prey. This stark reminder of the intricacies of abuse and how wolves can dress themselves to blend and obfuscate their true nature is powerful. The importance of this novel goes beyond its ability to expose the realities of manipulation and abuse. It is a testament to the power of storytelling to challenge preconceived notions and prompt reflection on our own beliefs and assumptions. My Dark Vanessa invites us to confront the insidious damage done by those in positions of power, removing any illusions of romance and shedding light on what abuse looks like.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
thoughts
has had such a grip on me like it completely clouded my thinking over the past week, i have to remind myself it’s just a book. the whole thing has had me in such a chokehold idk if ill ever recover.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com