The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson
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Web ID: 4135558My summary
Below is my summary from Littler Books. I hope you find it helpful! 1. The backwards law states that the pursuit of positive experiences is itself a negative experience, while the acceptance of negative experiences is itself a positive experience. The more one tries to be happy, the less happy they become. 2. Negativity is actually the path to positivity. People's assumptions of what they want from life -- positive experiences -- are not actually what they need. Instead, it's the tolerance and acceptance of negative experiences that lead to positive experiences. 3. Charles Bukowski was a drunk and a lowlife, yet he still achieved success and became a famous writer. Bukowski is a counter-argument to the assumption that success comes from doing everything right. 4. There are three subtleties of not giving a fk: a. Not giving a fk does not mean being indifferent, but being comfortable with being different. b. To not give a fk about adversity, one must first give a fk about something more important than adversity. c. Whether we realize it or not, we are always choosing what to give a fk about. 5. The central Buddhist doctrine of Dukkha states that life is suffering. 6. Negative emotions, such as anxiety and anger, have evolutionary purposes that help our survival and ignoring them can limit ourselves. 7. Examine your negative emotions and experiences. They can provide valuable insights into what truly matters to us, and can help us grow and develop. 8. Consider what pain you are willing to endure in life as it is a greater determinant of how your life turns out. 9. Happiness is not the only important thing in life. Negative emotions grant us meaning and signal to us that we have challenges that must be overcome. 10. We do not want to be on a hedonic treadmill, where happiness is like a carrot always dangling in front of us, and we can never truly be satisfied. 11. Struggles and setbacks are inevitable no matter what your goals are. However, if you find a goal you want to struggle for, a goal you're passionate about, then the struggle will become enjoyable. Think deeply about what this goal is for you. 12. Your goals need to be clear. Vague ambitions like “be happy” will not push you to success. 13. Happiness comes from overcoming problems, and choosing the right struggles is the secret to happiness. 14. Modern life provides infinite opportunities, but we are unhappy because we have too many options, and we burn out trying to be everything to everyone. It is crucial to find what's important to us and focus on those, and don't give a fk about the rest of the noise. 15. You should only engage in activities or pursue goals that bring you a sense of excitement and joy. The answer to whether or not to do something should either be “no”, or “fk, yes”. 16. Exceptionalism, the belief that you are special and entitled to special treatment, is unhealthy and counterproductive. Social media and consumer culture is fueling exceptionalism. 17. The author at one point of his life got arrested for selling drugs, which he attributes to his own sense of entitlement. 18. There are two forms of entitlement: grandiose narcissism, where a person thinks they are better than everyone else and therefore deserve special treatment; and victim narcissism, where a person thinks they are worse than everyone else and therefore deserve special treatment. Both forms of entitlement lead to delusional beliefs about one's place in the world and cause people to become completely self-absorbed. 19. Accepting the bland and mundane truths of life, such as the fact that the vast majority of our lives will be boring and not noteworthy, is actually healthier than believing in exceptionalism. 20. Living by the right values is critical for happiness. For example, measuring your own success by comparing yourself to others is an unhealthy value to have. It will lead to disappointment. 21. Dave Mustaine, the leader of the renowned metal band Megadeth, compared himself to his previous band his entire life. As a result, Dave considered himself a failure, because his previous band is the biggest metal band in music history -- Metallica. 22. Pleasure is a bad value to live by. Seeking pleasure as the ultimate goal often leads to addiction. Research shows those who value pleasure the most are likely to have anxiety and depression. 23. Materialism is a bad value to live by. Research shows after our basic needs are met, extra wealth doesn't not improve happiness. 24. Worthwhile values are based in reality, helpful to society, and have an immediate and controllable effect. Honesty and kindness are examples of good values. Popularity is a bad value because you can't control what other people think about you. 25. You will be much happier knowing that you are responsible for your life. This will give you the power and motive to better yourself and your circumstances. 26. Example: Bob's girlfriend dumps him. Bob can choose to be a victim of his circumstances and say, “She's hateful and doesn't understand.” Or he can choose to take responsibility, reflect on why the relationship didn't work, and better himself. 27. People sometimes don't take responsibility for their lives because they conflate responsibility with fault. Responsibility means taking action to deal with a situation, while fault means being to blame for a situation. For example, if someone gets cancer, it is not their fault, but it is their responsibility to deal with it. 28. We have the tendency to protect our identity, and it often hurts us. 29. Artists might refuse to sell their art to the public because it could potentially shatter their identity of being a successful artist. CEOs might not spend enough time with their family because it'd damage their identity of being a career-oriented hard worker. 30. Buddhism states that our identities are simply arbitrary mental constructs that exist only inside our heads. They are illusions. Once we're able to let go of our identities, we'd live more satisfying lives. 31. Learn to question your beliefs. There will be times when you think you're correct but you are wrong. 32. It is hard to admit we are wrong, because our conviction is usually trying to cover up our insecurities. When we realize we are wrong, we discover inconvenient truths about ourselves. Dealing with our insecurities and uncomfortable truths will make you happier in the long run. Repressing them leads to misery. 33. Example: Alice and Bob are good friends. Alice gets a new friend, Claire. However, Bob tells Alice that Claire is a bad person and not to be friends with her. Bob says this, not because Claire is actually a bad person, but because Bob is insecure about the potential of Alice liking Claire more and spending less time with Bob. 34. Failure is a necessary component of success. Negative experiences, sacrifice, and uncertainty can lead to positive experiences, growth, prevent entitlement, and avoid unrealistic beliefs. 35. All successful people failed numerous times before they succeeded. 36. Taking action leads to motivation, not the other way around. For example, if someone is struggling with social anxiety, they can walk towards the person they want to talk to. Once they take that small step, they will find that they can take more steps towards talking to the person and making a new friend. 37. Being able to say "no" is crucial in achieving success, managing conflict, setting boundaries, and maintaining healthy relationships. 38. In healthy relationships, individuals need to be able to say no, express their values, and be willing to disappoint their partners to develop trust. 39. Couples who never argue may seem happy at first, but in reality, they may lack trust and the ability to handle tough situations together. 40. There is freedom that comes with committing to a few important things in life. By limiting oneself to a few important values and goals, one can focus on what truly matters and experience a sense of mental freedom to pursue those goals without being distracted by other possibilities. 41. Romantic relationships can be destructive. Research shows that passionate, high-intensity relationships produce similar effects in the brain as cocaine. Romeo and Julliet is a classic example of a destructive relationship. 42. Make sure your romantic relationships are not based on distractions. Meaning, you and your partner are not in a relationship to distract from other problems in your lives. Those problems you're avoiding will resurface themselves. 43. A healthy relationship consists of devotion to each other, consideration of each other's feelings, and providing support when needed. 44. Do not overstep and provide support when not required. If one person in the relationship aims to solve all the problems for both, then it becomes an unhealthy, one-sided, and controlling relationship. 45. Humans are the only animals capable of envisioning hypothetical situations. This ability unfortunately brings us the burden of thinking about our own death. Many of us worry about our legacy after death, and thus pursue immortality projects. These projects add a lot of stress, anxiety, and disappointments to our lives. 46. Be happy and spread joy where you are now. You'll live a more fulfilling and meaningful life if you concentrate on the present.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Meditative Book Done Right
I picked this one up for the Barnes & Noble weekly challenge (Week 1: Meditative), and while it’s not traditionally shelved as a meditative book, I’d argue that it absolutely fits the bill. Manson weaves in a surprising amount of Buddhist philosophy and introspective thinking, making it a perfect guide for anyone looking to reset their mindset and cut through the noise. 📝 Why It Hit Home: 🧘♂️ Protecting Your Peace – Despite the in-your-face title, this book is really about choosing what you care about wisely, prioritizing honesty over fake politeness, and letting go of the small stuff. 💬 Brutal Honesty – It’s a refreshing reminder that we don’t need to sugarcoat our feelings or pretend to care about things that don’t matter. It’s about finding your priorities and sticking to them, unapologetically. 🤣 Darkly Funny – Manson’s blunt, irreverent style had me laughing out loud more than once, and the lessons stick because of it. 💌 Final Take: I’d love to send this book to a few people who could really use the message, but that would be giving a f*ck, and this book just taught me not to do that.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Great informative read with lots of useful info!
Purchased this book and met the Author at Book Con 2019, finally getting around to reading it especially since this is how I've been feeling lately. Great informative read with lots of useful info!
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Only made it to ch 1
It felt like an adult who writes on the level of a 5th grader. The cursing felt forced and unnecessary, as if he were meeting a word count. Ch 1 felt like every gym bro that doesn’t want to process feelings so they come up with every way to avoid them and continue being toxic. He literally describes how he’s a loser and a bad person. Ch 1 was like he found 1 quote that resonated with him and made an entire chapter out of it
Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Disappointed
I wanted to like this book, I really did. I have seen some small video snippets from Mark Manson and thought he seemed to have some good advice. I was at a point in my life where I needed to learn how to not get so worked up about insignificant events or people, so I thought this book would be my panacea. I was very disappointed. I found the tone of the book to be very pompous and boastful. When I realized how much younger the author actually was than me, I didn't dismiss his experience-based advice immediately, but then I started to question it more and more as the book went on. It became apparent that the author's life was much different from mine. He admitted that he came from a fairly affluent background. Most of the issues he faced in his life seemed to be the direct result of poor decision making. I didn't wanna say "poor little rich kid" but. . . The beginning of the book was interesting and somewhat helpful. But about halfway through, it became bragging disguised as advice. Lots of references to his world travel, his seemingly pointless higher education endeavors, his entrepreneurial successes, the apparently huge number of intimate partners he had because he was just so irresistible, the many speaking engagements he gets invited to, the flocks of adoring and often obsessed fans, and the large amount of money he makes peddling his self-help stuff. I didn't really learn anything from this book except about the author's life, living a frat boy type lifestyle that I can't relate to in any way. I got through 90% of the book before I just couldn't listen anymore and had to abandon it. I wish I would have sooner.
Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Beyond my expectations
As a Guidance Counselor for disadvantaged youth in a former life, I was very much impressed by Mark's common sense approach to navigating the human condition. Probably not since reading William Glasser's "Reality Therapy" have I come across such a well written, relatable and concise treatise on the subject of living your best life. Sans any pretense of expertise as bestowed by academia, Mark has instinctively intuited a wisdom worth emulating. Great read.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Phenomenal book
The approach the author takes is unique and I found it extremely beneficial to adopt the way of thinking he describes through out the book. The subtle are of not giving a f*ck was a great read and I would recommend it to anyone who is stresses or thinks too much.
Customer review from barnesandnoble.com
Great Read!
For anyone looking for a nice paced read, this is definitely a good read, any ages from 15+ should definitely read this, this book teaches you how to not get yourself distracted over stupid things. if you wanna get taught how to not care about other peoples thoughts or other things i would suggest reading.
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Customer review from barnesandnoble.com